The last time meh mudda beat me

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was in standard 5 and playing big man.

It was a Wednesday after school, close to month-end.  Mammy going an’ make market in Grenville by Andall today so ah decide ah not going straight home from school.  As Ms. Simeon ring the bell ah pick up meh bag and instead of heading towards home, I headed towards the basketball court behind the R.C Church. Before ah reach dey though ah had to stop by Miss Rosa to buy a snowice. Miss Rosa does make the BEST snowice; custard ones with the nice colours, pink and green with a little bit of essence for 25 cents.

Ah decide today ah not passing behind the old school, ah walking up the concrete road to the Church instead. As ah swing the corner to head up the hill, ah hear somebody call me name. Two, twos, ah see meh panda Kenroy coming up through the short cut behind the pre-primary school. “Wey you going boy?” he asked. “Ah going an check dem fellas up by the court”, I replied. “You coming?” “Yeah” he answered.

We continued up the hill in silence, the sun hot on our backs making us perspire a little. When we got to the court a game was already in session. Our friends Kenton, Kelon and bend foot were already there.  We waited a bit for the game to finish and then joined in. We played a couple games back to back until the bigger boys came and forced us off the court.

“Allu leh we go eh, dem man playing greedy for ball!” Kenton said. We picked up our bags and headed to the short cut behind the Church. We all lived not too far from each other but taking the main road was a chance that our Teachers might still be around to see we had not yet gone home though school finish at least 45 minutes ago.

Kenton, Kelon and bend foot were the first to leave since they lived closer to the school than me and Kenroy. The two of us continued through the cocoa and through the peas trees until we got higher up the road by Miss Gata.  “Whole day ah feeling for a mango you kno”, I said. “Leh we pass by Mr. Ambrose nuh?” “Boy you on you own wid dat, I done late already, ah sure Cicely eyes making beast to see me. I gone. We go sight up tomorrow please God.”

Kenroy left, speeding down the hill to his grandmother house, leaving me standing in the cross road by meself. I continued up the hill towards home but the thought of the mango Julie by Mr. Ambrose was still on meh mind. ‘Ah wonder if mammy reach home already?’ As ah break the top of the hill, I could see the house in the distance, I immediately knew my answer. The place was quiet and the half-a-kitchen door was still closed – mammy ent reach home yet. That made up my mind – I was going by Mr. Ambrose for me mango. Long now meh mudda tell me to doh go in dem people land and pick dey mango but dem mango did calling meh name.

For a second I thought about going inside to change into me home clothes (ah know wey mammy does hide the spare key in the flower pot on the verandah) but decided against it just in case she reach home and ketch me before I could leave. I knew I had to move quickly because outside was getting dark and me mudda soon come.

Ah pass through the short cut behind the house, cut through cousin May-May yard and jump over the calalloo drain by Deigo. Finally I ended up in Mr. Ambrose land right by Crochu pasture, Mr. Ambrose had all kind of fruits you could think bout; sugar apple, mammie apple, governor plum, sugar cane, golden apple but today it was mango calling me name. Ah had a favourite; anybody who know me know I would do anything for a mango Julie. But not just any mango Julie, it had to be just right. Not too hard, not too soft, ah doh like no soft spots on meh mango and ah doh like it fall. Ah like to hand pick meh mango and sidung, take meh time an’ peel it from the bottom tip up to the fleshy part right at the top.

Ah size up the tree, spotting two that were just perfect, one just higher than the other. Ah back meh shirt, take of me shoes and started to climb. The first one was easy; I put that into my pocket and continued. I was steps away before a sound that caused me to freeze. “Dwight, what d hell I tell you bout dem ppl mango?! Pass yuh ass down here! How d ass yuh worthless so?! Leh me reach home before you and you go see!”   

Oh my God… I looked down and there was my mother, shopping bags in hand and vex to kill. I knew by the look on her face that there was no way I was escaping licks tonight. ‘But wey the hell this woman come out?’ I wondered. Then I remembered, there was a shortcut behind Miss Barka shop up through Mr. Ambrose land towards our house, and because she had load, she decided to use it. Just my luck!

I climbed down the tree slowly, using the side furthest from her as possible, the first mango burning in me pocket. Meh appetite cut now cause ah know is licks in me ass tonight.  By the time I reach down the tree she was already heading towards the road to the house still cussing. I trailed behind her slowly, trying to put my shirt back on at the same time. It was now late evening so most people were home from work and school and hanging out outside in their verandah:- perfect place to watch my walk of shame. One of dem was meh padna Kenroy. “Ay you geh d mango ah wah?” The look I gave him coulda light coal pot. “might as well suck the mango boy, cause you know you eating licks tonight!” one of the other guys shouted drawing rings of laughter from the onlookers. Ah shame.

By the time we reach home, I done make up me mind, ah shame, meh appetite gone an’ ah doh crying. We ent even reach the verandah good yet mommy rest down she bags and is slap and cuff I getting; “What – The – Hell – I – Tell – You – About – People – Property ?” Every word was punctuated by a slap. “You – Want – To – Put – Me – In – Jail?”  For – You – To – Come – Home – And – Do you – Homework – You – Dey – Playing – D – Ass?!” “Daz – What – I – Send – You – To – School – To Do? “Learn – How – To – Thief – People – TING?!” “Pass – You – Ass – An’ – Bathe!  Mango – You – Want – So? You – Going – An’ – Sleep – Jus – SO!”

And so I did. There was no supper that night. The next day bright and early before bird wife wake, meh mudda march meh down to Mr. Ambrose to apologize for going into his land without permission. THAT my dear people, was the LAST TIME meh mudda beat me but lesson learnt ‘Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours goods!’

Story end…wire bend……

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Until next time!

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